The old lady and her daughter sat in my study looking a little uncertain.
“What can you tell me about my mother’s family?” the older lady asked, “I know a bit but not back to my grandparents or where they came from”.
It seemed a strange request, but as it happened, I had done quite a bit of research on the background of this family as we shared a common ancestor, and I had written a book on the early beginnings of this district in northern New Zealand. We’ll call this lady Ellie for the sake of this story, and her mother Essie.
Essie was one of a large family, and as a young teenage girl, she had taken the job of assistant cook in a logging gang, working among men of different nationalities that made up this gang. Even though she was in the same district that she had grown up, she was still some miles away from her parent’s home, and away from their influence and care.
One of the older married men in the gang took it on himself to show a bit of protection for Essie and because he was kinder than the younger men she tended to seek him out for company in her spare time. After a few months, Essie started to feel ill every morning, and then it dawned on her that she might be pregnant. Whatever would she do?
She knew her parents would be no comfort to her, as it was considered a terrible disgrace in the early days of the twentieth century to be an unmarried mother. But she had no option, she had to tell them and endure their wrath and whatever solution they might suggest.
She was sent away to the anonymity of the big city to stay in a home especially for girls in her situation, and when her baby, a little girl, arrived she knew she had to give her up for adoption. But all was not entirely lost. The man who had befriended her, knew her predicament, and found out where she was staying. He had a solution he said. He was convinced the child was his, and since he and his wife had no family, they were prepared to take the baby and legally adopt her and bring her up. He had talked it over with his wife, he said, and she was happy to do this….she said the baby was half theirs anyway!
So Ellie was adopted by this couple and brought up as their own child. Living as they did in a small country district where everyone knew everyone else, it was inevitable that the other children at school knew that she was different. Ellie wasn’t even sure what being adopted meant, all she knew was that it meant she was different to the other children, and she had to endure many taunts in the playground because of it.
Ellie grew up and left the district to get work in the same city she had been born in, and met and married her husband. They eventually had five daughters and one son, and as a young mother, she missed her real mother so much that she made up her mind to find her. She eventually tracked Essie down. She too, had married and had other children, but had never told any of them about her “disgraceful” youth. Neither her husband, nor her other children knew of the existence of Ellie.
So when she knocked on their door and Essie opened it, Ellie told her who she was, and that Essie was her birth mother. Essie was so horrified at the ramifications of this spectre from the past, that she slammed the door shut in Ellie’s face, and refused to acknowledge her. All Ellie’s dreams of a tender reunion with her real mother dissolved in a moment, and the realisation that she was nothing more than an unwelcome embarrassment to her, overcame her as she stumbled away down the path and back to her home. She felt that life indeed had dealt her a raw deal, and the seeds of bitterness and resentment grew and festered in her mind.
Many years passed by, and Ellie’s daughters grew up and married themselves. Her youngest daughter married and went off to the States to live, and her brother followed her over there and never came back to New Zealand. Ellie felt as though they had deserted her, and it was just one more nail in her coffin of resentment.
Her eldest daughter married and moved right away from the city, and then one of the other two girls was diagnosed as having cancer. She didn’t survive this, and once more Ellie felt bereft. Then to her horror, she heard that her eldest daughter who lived many miles away up north, had also been diagnosed with cancer. So Ellie lost this daughter also, and although the baby survived and was brought up by his father and new wife, Ellie never saw anything of him. She thought sadly of how he was her last link with her eldest daughter.
More years passed by. One day there was a knock at Ellie’s door. She opened it to see an old lady standing there (it was Essie).
“I’ve come to see you before I die” she quavered.
Ellie was so angry…who did she think she was after the way she had treated me? she thought. It gave her great pleasure to slam the door in her mother’s face, and watch her go down the path.
She heard a short while later that her mother had died, and there was never any reconciliation between them.
Now here Ellie was, sitting before me, wanting to know more about her real family. I had seen her periodically coming to the ladies outreach meetings at our church. She had always looked so sad and miserable. Although there were many times when the topic of God’s love and forgiveness were spoken of, she never approached anyone to ask how this might help her even though the invitation to do so was frequently given.
As she told her sad story, it impressed itself on me what a difference it would have made to her if she had only done this! As far as I knew, she never did forgive her mother, and died still in her sadness and regrets of what might have been.
I include this story here as a warning of what bitterness and resentment can do to a person when it is not dealt with promptly. It is only natural to feel these things in the face of disappointments and hurts, but we must never let it stay and fester. The Bible tells us that these things have roots, and if we leave them, they will overcome us…we are to get rid of them before they grow…
Watch carefully in case any person fails to show the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springs up and troubles you. (Hebrews 12:15)
The Unexpected!
We have had two unexpected deaths in the last couple of weeks in our church congregation… one was a lady in her early eighties, but a very alert and fit lady who led a Bible study and was full of life….she suffered an aneurism and was gone in a matter of hours. The other one was equally unexpected where this lady’s neighbour heard the dog barking all night without letting up. She went over to this lady’s house in the morning and found the backdoor hadn’t been locked the night before, and there she was lying on the floor, gone.
Neither of these ladies knew that last day, that it would indeed be their last. It was a great shock to all who knew them, and is a real wake-up call to us all, to make sure that we are ready for this, the last call. When these ladies woke up that last day, they had no idea of what lay ahead.
The first one had even been to a Keep-fit class that morning. These incidents show us how uncertain life is. We aren’t promised tomorrow. We aren’t even promised the end of the current day. The only moment we have is NOW.
The only certain thing about life is that it is going to end one day. Whenever there is a birth, there will be a death. But no-one knows when.
There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Teach me to number my days (consider my mortality); so that I may live wisely” (Psalm 90:12)
Let’s make sure that we consider these things and be ready to meet our Maker, no matter how suddenly or unexpectedly it may happen.
Advice to a Son
PROVERBS TWO…. (v.1-6)
Solomon is begging his son here to listen and take notice. A person with a bit of age and experience behind him, can see the pitfalls that a headstrong youngster can never see.
“Listen to me”, Solomon says, “Seek and apply yourselves, ask and seek earnestly for wisdom!” I wonder how often we do this?
God has all these blessings in Christ Jesus waiting for us, but we must put effort into getting them. James tells us that we don’t have the enjoyment of them because we don’t ask for them or apply ourselves to getting them (James 4:2c). It is like a student once who needed finance to get through her course and asked the Lord to provide it. He did, but not in the way she expected it…. God provided a job for her to earn her own money! He didn’t just get someone else to send her a cheque!!
Those who earnestly and prayerfully seek, WILL find…..this is one of the prayers that God has unconditionally promised He will grant!
Seek wisdom from the Lord above, Who gives all things richly in love; But we must search and seek this for, It to be giv’n from God’s rich store.
The Dream Home
As I went for my morning walk each day, I watched the new house at the end of the road taking shape. First the land was prepared, and then the floor laid…everything on the plan was put in place from the drains to the power cables before the walls went up At last the house was completed down to the last new curtain and all the floor coverings. What a lot of care and thought had gone into the planning of it all! Later on, they asked us inside and proudly showed it all off. It was indeed a lovely home.
Can we say that about the home we are building with our lives and what we do? Make no mistake, we are all engaged in building this home whether we know it or not. Is it going to be a place of comfort or a place of regrets? Is it going to be a place where we can invite our Maker to come into and show it off to Him? Or will it have some secret corners that we would be ashamed to show anyone?
The lady of this new home flung open the cupboard doors to show how it had all been planned to the best advantage, and how every bit of space had been utilised. Can we do that with the cupboards of our lives? Or do we just throw things inside without folding them, and shut the doors on the mess?
Everything was colour co-ordinated with not a thing out of place. It made me wonder if my life was in as good order with colours of everything complementing the rest? We may say that we haven’t got the gifts or wherewithal that others have to do this, but we ALL have something we can start with.
Let’s make sure that we do the best we can, with what we have….no-one can expect more than this of us. We all have attitudes and concerns we can build on….let’s start with those and then go on to find other things we can do to help and build up other people.
A Lesson in Trusting God
“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man”.
As I read those words in my morning Bible reading recently, my mind went back many years ago to the time when we HAD put confidence in what people had told us and were badly let down. We were contemplating buying a commercial building with two tenants leasing it. The tenant downstairs seemed reliable enough, but then we had some doubts about the ones upstairs. We asked them how long they were likely to need the lease for, and they said as long as they didn’t expand, there was no likelihood of them moving. So with that assurance, we bought the building.
For a few months, everything went well, and then the tenants upstairs gave notice that they were moving but would continue paying their rent until the end of their lease in six month’s time. This was a blow that we had hoped we wouldn’t have to face. Once the lease ran out, we were left with only half the income we had reckoned on, and as time went by we were unable to lease out the top floor. It was either too big, or there wasn’t enough parking. It was certainly never classed as being too small by any prospective tenant!
Things were not easy and we began to wonder if we had made a mistake in “putting our confidence in man “. We had prayed about the proposition before buying it and done our homework as thoroughly as we could, but now the only conclusion we could come to was that we must have made a mistake in buying the place.
During this time, my morning Bible reading was about the time when the Lord told His disciples to row across the lake, all the time knowing what was going to happen. He knew the storm was going to come and toss them about. Yet He still told them to go. They hadn’t made a mistake in setting off across the lake….they went at His bidding. He didn’t divert the storm, He allowed things to work out their course. He knew He would meet them in their hour of desperate need and calm the storm.
After reading this story, my mind settled down somewhat. We hadn’t made a mistake after all, the Lord just wanted to teach us that He was in control and would release us from the situation in His good time. It didn’t happen overnight but the building eventually sold and we were released from the situation we were in. How relieved we were and overjoyed at not having to go through this hard time any more!!
I now know that whatever comes our way, God is always in control. If things are easy, we must give Him thanks, and when things come tough, we are to tighten our belts (figuratively) and still give Him thanks that things are no worse than they are! Above all, we are not to put our confidence in what people tell us, but to always trust in God and what He says.
Gran’s Advice
This is Gran’s advice to an adult grand-daughter facing a crossroads in her life…..
Hi Dear, You’ve been on my mind a bit and I woke up last night after having a dream, actually I had a second dream along the same lines. So I felt I should write to you and give you some sayings to think about. Now I don’t know if this is for you, or if it is for you to pass on to someone else, and I’m not even sure which order to write it in, so I’ll do it in a series of thoughts I’ve gleaned over the years.
Thought No 1. “If it’s doubtful , it’s dirty!”
When you get a shirt out of the cupboard, or you are about to put one away, and wonder if it needs washing or not, this is the measuring stick. If it’s doubtful, it IS dirty!!
So if you are contemplating some move and are uncertain whether to proceed or not, and are feeling uneasy in yourself wondering if it IS a good move or not, remember if there is any doubt in your mind leave it alone until you are absolutely certain. And of course the measuring stick is, what does God say about this situation?
Thought No. 2. “Use Your Head Before you Lose it!”
Whenever you start on a new course of action, there always comes a point when you can still walk away from it. If you are doubtful, walk! Don’t wait until you get to the point where you are so involved you feel you cannot do this to someone else.
Thought No. 3. “Don’t Feel Sorry for Someone else; You will end up Feeling Sorrier for Yourself!”
I have given this advice to different ones over the years, and at first sight it might seem like a selfish rule to have. BUT your first responsibility is to yourself, not to anyone else, no matter how much trouble they are in. We had a friend once whose wife walked out on him, and he had to learn to do for himself. I could have easily done his washing, and taken him meals ready cooked, but he had to learn to do it for himself. Another lady friend whose husband had died, was living on her own and wondered if she should take in another person who was looking for somewhere to live. We told her, “DON’T!”
It seems mean, but if she had and then got into relationship problems with this person, guess who would have to pick up the pieces….other people! We all know about broken relationships. As it turned out, this person looking for board would have taken this lady’s house over. Her friends were already doing all the repairs and maintenance for her, and there was no need to complicate things!
Thought No 4. Don’t Take What is just Good, and Miss Out on God’s Best.
Think about Solomon’s choice when God spoke to him in a dream telling him that He would give him anything at all that he asked for. We don’t know how much time Solomon thought about this first but he was feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of ruling this nation wisely so he asked God for wisdom to do it properly. God commended him for asking this, because he had asked for what was good. But when he became old, he forgot God’s rules and married heathen wives for political reasons without trusting God, and the Bible says that these outlandish women (Nehemiah 13:26; King James words) caused him to sin. He had asked for what was good, but had missed God’s best; he should have asked for a heart to follow the Lord wholly all the days of his life. There is nothing sadder that seeing an older person fall away from the Lord.
Thought No.5. Always keep in Mind the Difference Between a Christian and a non Christian.
We all know the passage that says to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, but the Bible also talks about the difference between light and darkness, between the actions of the flesh and the actions of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:19-25)
I remember a girl years ago who fell in love with a non-Christian. She was told to not marry him, but he promised her the earth. He wouldn’t stop her going to church; it wouldn’t make any difference if she was a Christian and he wasn’t. So she married him. Later that year, friends went to stay with this girl and her husband. He hadn’t stopped her going to church at this stage, but he complained about her church DVDs, and music she wanted to put on; he didn’t like the time she spent reading the Bible; He didn’t like her church friends or her going out at night to Bible Study, or her giving her tithe to the church.
So of course these things were put aside, one by one, until she gave up going altogether.
Thought No. 6. The old Joke…..As the Bride Walked down the Aisle to the Altar, she thought of three things…Aisle, Altar, Hymn! “I’ll Alter him!”
Just remember there is one thing a person CANNOT do, you cannot alter another person’s habits or ways, especially if they are an older person, and been living on their own for a bit. Just look at people’s different eating habits!!!! Classic case! So you have to love a person very much to sink yourself into their ways and habits. It’s no use thinking “It’s not fair!” Of course it isn’t fair! It will only make a good argument! You CANNOT alter him!
It takes years to come to the point of being able to give in gracefully. And then to not resent it!
Thought No. 7. Make Sure There is no Baggage in the Way.
There are many forms of “baggage” in a relationship. There is nothing worse than trying to mix oil and water…..it can’t be done! Things are bad enough to adjust to without having complications of other relationships or cultures to have to adjust to. Another thing I have seen as I have got older, is a wife about ten years (or more) younger than her husband having to lead him along, or helping him use a walking frame. It might be flattering to have an older man court you when you are young, but just think of the other end of life when you are still relatively young and fit and he is incapacitated in some way. This can, of course, happen in any age bracket, but it goes without saying when there is that age difference it is more likely to be the case. An acquaintance married a man over ten years older than she was, and we caught up with her many years later at a funeral and could hardly believe our eyes…. here she was leading along a shaky old man. After he died she met someone else who had a motor home and then she was able to travel all around the country making up for lost time.
Well Dear, perhaps I can sleep easy now I’ve got all that off my chest. I sort of get the feeling that you are at a cross roads, and I heard that you were thinking of going overseas for a bit and getting a job there. If you have any of these sort of pressures on you here, go, and get away to new places and meeting new people. Just make sure you go to places where you can meet new Christian people and form new friendships that will be helpful, and not drag you down. You will have many openings for work with your training.
Remember the difference between what is Good and what is Best. Also remember that God’s timing is never late
Love, Gran
Be Sure your Sin Will Find You Out!!
You will find this story in Joshua 10:1-27, 11:1-11…… News of the way Joshua and the men of Israel had conquered the cities of both Jericho and Ai had spread far and wide in the region that Israel was now entering.
The men of Gibeon got together and said to each other, “Have you heard what Joshua has done to Jericho and Ai? We’ll have to do something to make peace with him before he attacks us!”
“Yes,” said one, “Let’s pretend we’ve come from a far country with old worn out clothes and shoes and mouldy bread to make it look as though we’ve been on a very long journey, and ask him if he’ll make a treaty with us”.
“What a good idea!” they all agreed.
So a group of them got together, and dressed in old shabby clothes with worn out shoes, and carried their bag of mouldy bread over their shoulders and went to meet Joshua. When they found him, they told their story and produced the evidence….”Look Joshua, here’s our mouldy bread and worn out shoes. This shows how far we’ve come! Make a treaty with us,” they said.
This is where Joshua slipped up. He should have said, “I’ll ask God first”, but he didn’t. He looked at the supposed evidence and believed what they said.
“Sure”, he said, “We can do that!”
So he agreed to make a treaty with them which guaranteed them to be protected by Israel, no matter what. They went away smiling and pleased with themselves.
Three days later the news leaked out, and the men of Israel found out that these people who had supposedly come from far away, actually lived right among them! The people of Israel heard what these people had done, and they started whispering among themselves against the princes and leaders who had made this treaty. They heard these death threats that the people were making.
“We can’t do anything to them,” they said, “We’ve made a solemn treaty with them. Joshua called for the Gibeonites to come to him.
“You frauds!” he said, “You lied to us! You just live nearby! From now on, you will be our servants and do all our heavy work for us!”
The other Israelis said, “Let’s teach them a lesson, the lying sods!”
“No, we can’t do that,” Joshua said, “We’ve made them a solemn promise and we have to keep to it!”
The Gibeonites didn’t mind, and said to each other, “At least we’ll be protected if we become their servants!”
In chapter ten, we see that is exactly what happened. The people of Gibeon started to prosper and do really well. Their animals all grew fat and big, and their gardens bore large crops. The other tribes round about them began to mutter….”Let’s get together and go and teach Gibeon a lesson! That will teach them to make peace with Israel our enemy!”
The men of Gibeon heard these threats, and quickly sent a message to Joshua, “Come and help us from these other kings. We’re your servants, remember!”
This time Joshua remembered to ask God what to do. “Go and chase them out,” God said, “Don’t be afraid, because I’m going to fight for you!”
Joshua and his men travelled all night and came upon the enemy first thing in the morning. They didn’t know what had struck them when Joshua and his men started to chase them. They ran, and as they ran the sky got darker and darker, and God sent enormous hailstones on them. More people died with the hailstones than died in the actual battle!
This was the beginning of a great victory for Israel, and they took all the cities of the land one by one because the Lord fought for them (Joshua 10:42)
PROVERBS SIXTEEN…
Verses 13-17
This passage starts off with rule number one in the Christian life…”Commit your works to the Lord!” Can we commit everything that we are doing to the Lord day by day or are there things we do that we would be ashamed to have the Lord see?
What about the TV programmes we see and the magazines we read? Do they exalt the Lord or honour him in any way at all? David had a similar thought when he said to trust in the Lord, and to delight in Him. Then we are able to commit all that we do to Him, knowing that He will hear us.
We see the opposite of this in two more things that are an abomination to the Lord ….. those who are proud and those leaders who do sinful things. God can do nothing for these sort of people until they turn to Him in humbleness and repentance. Then God will cleanse them (verse 6) and give them the true wisdom that is worth more than gold (verse 16). He will direct their steps, give them peace and help them to be honest and just in their dealings.
To be honest and true, in all that we do, Is the way to honour the Lord,
For He hateth the proud, whose knee is not bowed,
And who never consider His Word!